Working Man’s Burden

Are people with jobs entitled to feel like they’re getting screwed too?

By Dan Pashman

Published by Slate on April 2, 2009

Al is a 31-year-old consultant whose fiancé is currently unemployed.

“She asks how my day was, but when you sit there and start talking about it and realize you hate your job that day, it’s hard to combat the idea that, yeah, I do have a job, I wasn’t part of the unfortunate many,” he says.

“You feel like you can’t really complain, but on the other hand you feel like you’re carrying the stress and the burden of keeping your mouth shut. You know [talking about your day at work] will make the other person feel worse about themselves, because they clearly have something to offer, but they’re just not getting the opportunity.”

After a tough day at the office, Al gets off the subway one stop early and walks the 15 minutes home, to blow off steam before seeing his fiancé.

The rash of layoffs across the country is impacting personal relationships in a variety of ways, and it’s not just the laid off who are affected. Many people who are working say they’ve stopped asking unemployed friends about job prospects, and they make sure not to gripe about their own jobs when those friends are around.

It seems the economic crisis has curtailed the time-honored tradition of venting about work. But that self-imposed silence can create its own problems.

A 28-year-old writer says, “I’m really careful about complaining to my friends about anything work-related, because half of them have recently been laid off, so it’s particularly sensitive. If my mother asks me how I’m doing and I complain about an annoying thing at work, she tells me to basically suck it up, because I should be happy to have a job.”

And she is happy to have a job. But, she adds, “It does make me feel stuck, because if you’re convincing yourself you’re lucky to have a job, it makes you feel like, ‘I’m lucky to have this job, but this is all I’ll ever do.’”

An attorney at a top New York law firm goes a step further, saying, “I’m actually starting to resent the fact that I’m not allowed to hate my job, I’m not allowed to have a bad day, because I’m supposed to be so thankful to have a job at all.”

In this economy, the employed are constantly reminded that they’re the lucky ones, and in some obvious ways they are. But are they entitled to feel like they’re getting screwed too?

Well according to experts who deal with “survivors”—the people in companies left behind after layoffs—yes.

“When organizations refer to people who lose their jobs, they refer to them as the employees who will be affected by the layoffs, and that’s my pet peeve,” says Joel Brockner, a professor at Columbia Business School who studies survivor reactions. “The implication is that people who stay won’t be affected.”

But Brockner says survivors have to deal with a lot: The threat of more layoffs hanging over their heads, an increased workload because others are gone, the loss of friends in the office, and frequently in times like these, pay cuts.

“There’s often a lack of focus because the stress levels go way up,” says Mary Whitcomb, a leadership consultant with Lee Hecht Harrison and a licensed psychotherapist. She says the conditions facing survivors after layoffs “fuel resentment, anger, and a sense of feeling trapped, like there are no options. So there can be a lot of grousing and anxiety, a lot of negativity in an organization after people have been let go.”

These principles of survivor reaction can extend beyond an individual workplace, and probably do in a time like this. If you view the whole country as one big company, USA, Inc., people who still have jobs are all essentially survivors, regardless of what’s happening at their particular companies. After all, the economy has affected pretty much everyone in one way or another.

And there’s likely another factor adding fuel to the fire. Brockner says the fairness of layoffs—who is chosen and how they are treated when they’re let go—has a huge impact on how the survivors feel about their own situations. Few people would argue that the layoffs here at USA, Inc. have been fair. They’ve been driven primarily by economic forces beyond most peoples’ control, and so far help has been more forthcoming for the culprits than the victims.

So it’s no surprise that the typical survivor reactions—anxiety, anger and resentment—would be found across the country. Now, recall that those with jobs are increasingly biting their tongues out of respect for those in more dire straits, and you realize there are a lot of seriously repressed people out there who are probably entitled to their own slice of the empathy pie.

The problem is, in times like this, the empathy pie tends to shrink.

“Being able to empathize can be stymied when you’re uncertain about your own situation,” explains Alan Echtenkamp, an organizational psychologist in New York. “You’ll share your food indefinitely until you think you’re starting to run out. When you feel comfortable in your role it’s much easier to empathize with other people, but when you’re uncertain you get more protective.” 

That’s why people with jobs may be having a hard time finding a shoulder to cry on. In fact a new study suggests that these poor, employed souls might actually be better off if they joined their friends on the dole.

Cambridge sociologist Brendan Burchell reports that people who are worried about losing their jobs experience the same levels of anxiety and depression as those who actually get laid off. The difference is that people who lose their jobs tend to bottom out after 3-6 months, then actually start to feel a bit better. People who stay in insecure jobs see declines in their mental health for 2-3 years.

“Job insecurity is very much a hidden problem,” Burchell explains. “Other people have a much clearer economic disadvantage. But people are realizing that being in an insecure job does have its own problems.”

In other words, “You’re lucky to have a job” may not be much of a consolation, even if it is true. Of course, the idea that anyone who has a job right now would be better off without it seems a practical stretch, even if it makes psychological sense. After all, you can’t pay your mortgage with peace of mind.

The study is, however, even more evidence that having a job in this climate should not preclude you from feeling blue. So when you see your unemployed friends, you should still buy them a drink. But while you’re at it, buy yourself one too. You deserve it.

Dan Pashman is a freelance journalist and producer.